(Dis)confirming Messages

This video discusses the differences between confirming and disconfirming messages, and the reasons for using each type of message. Confirming messages and communication helps build up someone’s self-esteem and identity, whereas disconfirming messages challenge one’s identity. The importance of giving action is also discussed.


· What is a disconfirming message?

· Why is understanding the difference between confirming and disconfirming messages important?

· How can I be more inclusive in my messaging strategy?

· What benefits can I gain by using confirming messages?

· What are the repercussions for using disconfirming messages?


Communication is everywhere, but do you know how to effectively communicate? My name is Jill Schiefelbein with Impromptu Guru and these 60 second videos will help you communicate well.

Confirming and disconfirming messages. What do they to do to us? Well, when you confirm a message you’re confirming someone’s identity and self-concept. Disconfirming on the other hand is obviously bringing their self-concept down. So when you give messages to people you want to make sure that if you’re doing messages either way that you always have actionable items.

For example, with a confirming message, “I really like the way you managed this project. We should do this again in the future.” Boom. You gave that confirming message of someone’s identity and you told them how you’d like to see that repeated in the future.

Disconfirming messages are the same way. You don’t want to just tell someone “I really don’t like what you did with this project”, without giving them a course of action to correct it, because without that course of action you’re just criticizing them without any constructive feedback and that disconfirms their identity which will make them as a partner as an employee as a friend not want to build a continual relationship with you.

So always remember to confirm someone, not disconfirm. Be positive and give action.


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